So I have to say that everything Nāmaka has been very stop-start ever since I relocated to Bali, Indonesia two or so years ago, and so far it has been a wild ride!
Although vibrant images of white sandy shores, crystal clear waters and palm trees may spring to mind... but I can't say that it has been a complete bed of roses. Nāmaka has certainly fallen to the back burner, as I have tried to navigate my new life, figuring out how things work in this very different country.
With a deep breath, and a heart filled with excitement, I dipped my toes into a new world. Saying goodbye to Australia was no easy task, packing up my life, filtering what was to be in storage, and what wasn't... "Do I need this Christmas Decoration in Bali?" Saying goodbye to my beloved Bronson and Toto, and those close to my heart was gut-wrenching. Would they forget me? I felt sick, crying myself to sleep at night.
I had to focus though, my future was calling! A new country, new culture, new languages, new food... I wanted to experience it all! Packing "light" with only - cough - 5 suitcases, I made my way to the arrivals in Denpasar.
Surfing, dating, making new friends, figuring out and how things work, visas, healthcare, finances, new suppliers, local laws, trying very hard not to get scammed, failing miserably... And in my 40s! I felt I was going backwards and seriously getting absolutely nothing done! What started out as excitement slowly, turned into something quite overwhelming, and I questioned whether I, let alone Nāmaka could survive the turmoil.
As life moves so fast, my attention has been pulled in a million other directions. Confidence in what once gave me so much joy, took several knocks, and I wondered whether Nāmaka had a future at all. As negative feelings of fear and anxiety grew, I became too shy to post on social media, filled with indecision, things became stagnant. I'm not a very consistent person at the best of times (try as I might) and after several set backs, I felt this may just signal the end.
I asked myself so many times -
Do I hold on? or do I let it go?
Is this thing just destined to fail?
Am I a failure?
One of my main hurdles settling in has been a sense of isolation. As Bali can be so transient, people are on holiday and come and go, and as soon as I had made a friend, and a few weeks later they were gone, and I had to start all over again.
Slowly through surfing, and apps like Bumble BFF, I made a couple of friends, expats and locals, who live here full time, and it gave me hope that all was not lost. I'm so grateful for the little flowers of encouragement from friends and family, helped nudge me forward.
From there I ventured out of my comfort zone, trying my hardest to let go of the self-criticism, cringing that I am a living, breathing cliche, a-la "Eat, Pray Love"... I stepped forth, embarking on a journey of "self discovery". I packed up a weeks worth of essentials on my motorbike, and headed for Ubud.
I felt that so much had happened, but I hadn't got anywhere! What had I achieved in the two years I have lived in Bali? I needed to let go! I needed to say yes!
Chanting workshop? Sure why not!
Meeting a spiritual guru? Absolutely!
Water cleansing ritual at a temple? Yes please!
As I explored my spirituality, in the hope to clear my mind and re-invigorate my senses and creativity... would my charkras become aligned? Was I on the right path? I hoped so!
I connected with women who were on a similar journey of growth, and it opened my eyes. We bonded over life, love, and everything in between. What in our lives had been disappointing, what had been challenging, and where we had found hope. What mended our broken hearts was finding connections in each other, and lifting each other up.
I found women to collaborate with, models, photographers. I re-engaged with my creativity, and tried different Balinese traditional handcrafts like Batik, and wax carving.
Out of all this, a new collection has formed.
I'm so grateful for everything that has led me to this point, everyone who has contributed to my life, and to Nāmaka. You don't know how special you are to me. <3
Emily - Nāmaka
